


Amiss

by Beryllium_Astatine



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, But I regret nothing, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, THIS IS SELF-INDULGENT, very much so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 02:39:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13137366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beryllium_Astatine/pseuds/Beryllium_Astatine
Summary: Satya was missing something, and maybe she could lose everything if she didn't see what.





	Amiss

**Author's Note:**

> Hey a Symbra oneshot I needed this so I wrote it.

A second later, it clicked.

It was an unique moment, but somehow Satya had let it slip through her fingers. She had missed something, she hadn’t seen it coming and she realized one moment too late she had lost a chance of something beautiful.

She knew it as Sombra’s eyes flickered to the floor and to the side, when they were focused on her before. Now the woman had put on that half smile, that slight cock of the head that she always did, and it felt like she was dressing up after standing naked and vulnerable before Satya’s undeserving eyes. Satya felt the color draining from her own face, and she lift her hands as if preparing to say something.

Sombra noticed her motion and stopped, waiting. Satya opened her mouth, but she failed to articulate any sound.

What _did_ she miss?

Sombra waited patiently in front of her, taking a deep breath and sitting on the edge of the bed. Satya scanned her figure looking for a clue, but she only saw… sadness? Exhaustion? Could it be disappointment? If so, was it at her lack of tact, or at the issue they had been previously discussing? Did she lose something for real?

Satya’s brain rushed through the situation at hand. Sombra wanted to take her on a vacation - somewhere they could be together in the open for a while, without sneaking away between hotel rooms and disguises, and be a normal couple for a change. Satya agreed to the idea, although not without reservations: vacations would mean taking days off work, and Satya never took time off unless she was ill or they were conceded to her as a reward for some job. She felt uneasy at the idea of asking Sanjay for anything of the sort, lest he’d be suspicious of her double-agent and secret-lover-of-a-criminal activities.

She voiced her worries to Sombra when she came to visit her in Utopaea, and wasn’t as surprised as she was amused when the Mexican woman curled her lips in her trademark lopsided grin. Sombra had a plan, of course; Sombra always had a plan. In this case it would imply a meeting with some mysterious Mr. Agary in Algeria for a consultation in the construction of new shopping malls throughout North Africa. He’d pay handsomely for the presence the star architect of Vishkar for a few days, of course; it’d take the corporation a few months until they caught the trail of the financial hole in their finances caused by the hacker’s expert manipulation of bank transactions.

“But how many days are we talking about?”, asked Satya, absentmindedly braiding her lover’s hair as they were sprawled on the bed watching some series on TV.

“Oh, I thought a week would be good. Like, we’ll have enough time to get bored and all itchy to be back to work. I’m sure you’ll get sick of seeing my sweet, sweet face within this time.”

“An… entire week? Sombra, no project should take that much time for a simple consultation. Sanjay will be skeptical at best.”

“Nah, _relájate, reina_ , I got you. I’ve been operating this front for years now. It may sound weird at first but they’ll cave. And you should look excited to get this job, say it’s something great for your portfolio or something like that. Your boss would do anything to keep his ‘pet’ satisfied.” She signaled quotation marks in the air at the word “pet” and sneered at “boss”, both making Satya frown. She knew Sombra was disdainful of Sanjay and not her, but it still felt insulting to be reminded that Vishkar only considered her a pawn. She decided to remain silent at the comment as Sombra went on a tangent about the reality show currently playing on the screen.

The vacation issue only arose several hours later, after some homemade samosas and a movie. Sombra was tossed across the mattress on her underwear, her head resting on Satya’s lap as the latter was dressed with a fine nightgown, sitting with her holotablet. The architect felt her girlfriend nudging her stomach, pleading for attention; she lifted the tablet and looked down at the other woman. 

“So, Saty! I was thinking” Sombra beamed, “we could go to some nice place you haven’t been before. Like, been to work doesn’t count. Been for fun.”

“I haven’t travelled for leisure very frequently.” Satya returned her eyes to the holotablet.

“Figured. So I thought some sun would do us good, yes? You look as pale as this damn city.” Satya shot a nasty look at Sombra at the comment about Utopaea, and she sighed. “Okay, sorry. But we both do need some fresh air. I’m all day tucked inside my room working, you’re in your office working, we need some nature and stuff.”

“I’m not very keen on nature-oriented plans.”

“Hey, I’m not talking a camping trip. We could go to some… resort on an island, or a cabin in the woods. With every comfort possible!” Sombra quickly added when Satya glared at her again. “But do you know what I miss?”

There was a short silence. Satya sighed. “What?”

Sombra tumbled to lie down on her stomach. “Scuba diving! I’ve done it a few times in Tulum. It’s a lot of fun, you see so many fish and sometimes even turtles and squids.”

It only took a second before Satya actually heard what Sombra said and looked at her, eyes slightly wide. Her lover mirrored her expression, bursting into laughing right afterwards and burying her face on Satya’s stomach. Satya frowned, twitching under the tickling the other woman’s hair and movement caused, and gently smacked the back of her head with her prosthetic hand.

“Why are you laughing?”

“You look so confused!” Sombra wheezed, wiping a single happy tear from her eye.

“Well, I am, indeed. Since when are you interested in the ocean?”. And why is my puzzlement so funny to you?, she almost asked, but decided not to.

“Oye, I have lots of interests. And it’s not like I’m a marine biologist, I just like sun, water and cute critters.” Sombra turned belly up again. “Which wouldn’t stop me from trying some sport fishing. Or not, we can just lie on the sun like lizards all day. We pick a beautiful and calm small hotel to rest, with good restaurants, a beautiful view...”

“The beach, you say.” murmured Satya.

Sombra flipped on her stomach again, crawling over Satya’s legs and embracing her around the waist, looking up to meet her girlfriend’s eyes with amusement. “Mmhm. Let’s go somewhere nice. White sand, warm water, sun, somewhere we haven’t been yet. Brazil, maybe?”

Satya moved her eyes back to her screen and arched her brows in surprise when Sombra reached up her hand and confidently typed a few keywords on a search engine. Immediately a myriad of pictures of paradisiac beaches popped upon a few of them, and the made a spreading motion with her arm to separate the images around them.

“Look, I've checked” she squealed, pointing at them. “This one’s hidden in the seashore jungle. This one here, you need to go down this huge colorful cliff to get there. Look at this one, look at how clear is the water, and when the tide’s low there so many sandbanks appear. And this one...”

“I don’t like it.”

Satya closed all tabs and returned to her text. It took her a few moments before noticing the silence and move her gaze back to Sombra, who was gaping, wide-eyed. She opened and closed her mouth several times before shaking her head, and sitting on her heels.

“Okay. Okay. What was that?” She breathed, eyes closed. “Why did you do that?”

“Did what?”

“What… why were you so rude just now?”

“Well, you reached out and opened those tabs over my text, that was rude.” Satya crossed get arms over her chest. “I have history in Brazil. I'm not acquainted to the beach in general. And I'm not convinced that I'll be able to leave for a week. So no, I don't like it. None of it.”

Sombra blushed and groaned, impatient. “Okay, but did you need to…” 

“You came with the formed idea in your mind.” Interrupted Satya. “A week's vacation. Brazil. Scuba diving. And you beat around the bush just enough to make me comfortable and tell your plans. You never asked me anything, really.”

Sombra gaped again, but was much quicker to react this time. She closed her mouth and lowered her gaze, even more color spreading on her cheeks. There was a short silence before she finally found her voice again:

“Okay. You're right. I gave this vacation plans a lot of thought already. Like, I planned surprises for you on the way and all. And I didn't think you were going to be upset with it.”

“How wouldn’t I, when you try to manipulate me into agreement?”

“I didn't... ugh.” Sombra's groan was deeper this time, Satya noticed. “It was a surprise, Satya. I was going to reveal everything at the end. I was trying to be _cute_.”

“By lying and manipulating me until the very last moment.”

“That's part of preparing a surprise!”

“This is not the same as going to a different restaurant, Sombra. There's a lot more at stake for you to take it so light-heartedly. I won't accept not having control over something as big as preparing a massive lie to my boss and going to an unknown place.” Satya got up and walked to her purse nearby, shoving the holotablet inside. “Stop playing with me. I'm not to be pampered like a child.” 

She impetuously took her purse to the closet, tossing it inside and fussing with the clothes and drawers to calm herself down, her back turned to Sombra. How dared she, _how dared she_ , why did she insist to meddle with her life like that, why did she insist on saying horrible things about the only like she knew as she tried to break free at her own pace, how dared she not to ask, just to assume, just to shower her with gifts she never asked for and she didn’t _want…_

“Saty.”

She did not respond, reordering her shirts on the hangers.

“I’m sorry.”

She placed a salmon social shirt between a rose and a light yellow one with more energy than necessary.

“I… I didn’t mean to make you so uncomfortable. Maybe I… should’ve… thought that through a little more.” Satya took her ties off the hanger and rearranged them. “I really… honestly… wanted to make a surprise. Take you somewhere far away from here, far from Rio too, on a quiet beach where we’d be in a cozy little hotel so we could be together and… have a dream getaway. I’ve always wanted that.” Satya heard a deep sigh. “Of course, _I’ve_ always wanted that. I thought you’d like it too. I made plans and I made sure you’d be safe and… I was… I did it again, didn’t I.” 

“Yes.” Satya answered, dryly.

“I’m sorry. I’m… Damn it, I _like_ pampering you. I like doing things for your sake, I like when I do something right and I make you happy. It’s so hard to make you smile. And I ask you what you want and you don’t answer, you just go and do the thing or buy the thing and how can I surprise you? I take you dancing and that’s it? I make you dinner, _y ya está_? Everything else, anything else you barely look at me, you always judge me. I don’t know.”

Satya heard Sombra get up and pace around the room, but she still didn’t turn around. She heard the other woman shuffle around with fabric and guessed she was putting her clothes on.

No. This was not what she wanted. She had to turn around and answer her girlfriend.

“I do not want to be taken care of.” she said instead, opening a drawer. It was true.

Only the sound of her own hands moving her sari resonated on the room. It was like Sombra wasn’t there, and Satya wished she’d say something, anything, again. Everything felt so tilted, so wrong. Even when Sombra finally did speak, it sounded warped to her ears, as if she’d been talking through a thick glass.

“Satya, please look at me.”

It was the second time she had said “Satya” that night, and it felt so wrong. It was always “Saty”, “queen”, “goddess”, “light”, “life”, “beautiful”, “love”. Never “Satya”, never her name and she didn’t know how she never complained to Sombra about it, ever, even before they become close. And the fact that was the thought that crossed her mind at that moment made her shiver.

She turned around to face Sombra. The hacker had put her clothes back on, and was standing by her bed with a somber expression Satya couldn’t read, but made her heart beat faster. Say something, she pleaded in her mind looking directly at Sombra’s dark eyes, say something again. Say something I can answer to. 

Sombra said nothing. And a second later, it clicked; something had slipped away and Sombra gave her half-smile and and now Satya was frantically trying to find what she had missed, what could she say or do to make things right. Because somehow she had made it all wrong, even though she was being true, even though she knew she stood corrected.

Sombra was sitting on the bed, still looking up at her, waiting. She sighed again. Satya felt her heart tighten in her chest and wished upon everything to be back on her bed embracing her, kissing her, without a care in the world and no vacation plans and no misunderstandings. There were so many misunderstandings. She was tired of them.

And a new surge of panic descended upon her when she realized that maybe Sombra was tired too. Really tired. Tired to try and do her thing when Satya simply didn’t respond to it. Maybe that look on her face was some kind of goodbye. Maybe she was leaving for good. Maybe she’d come back but it was over. Maybe she was giving up, and she was only there waiting for her response as a last chance, the last opportunity Satya had to keep her, and what could she say to keep her? How could she, when she’d been truthful and honest but had hurt her lover somehow and had missed some kind of chance already to do it right?

She scanned the woman’s face again, she tried to read her pose, her body language. But now she could only see how she was leaving.

“Olivia…” she started, trying to keep her voice steady. She heard it shaky and weak. Sombra perked up slightly as she heard her real name, but her eyes looked just as incredulous.

“Yes, Satya.” Third time.

The architect gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth, and felt her body tremble and go numb like an earthquake had just spiked through it. Wrong, _wrong_ , she had to answer, this wasn’t an answer and Olivia…

...Olivia was sitting in front of her, grasping her arms and giving them gentle squeezes every few seconds. Squeeze, three seconds, release, a few more seconds, squeeze again. She was murmuring something. She was looking at her. Her own breathing was deafening, and she decided to let her body regain conscience, slowly.

Now she could feel her cheeks moist with tears, and more steadily rolling down from her eyes. Her breathing got more steady as the sobs fizzled down, and she now could hear the words her lover was saying, and understand her eyes were filled with concern as she softly chanted that it was okay, that it was fine, breathe, it’s okay.

“It’s not okay.” Satya managed to respond, voice cracking. She bowed her head, embarrassed.

“It is.” cooed Olivia, running her hands up and down Satya’s arms. “Hey, hey, look up here; it’s fine. Do you want a hug? Water? Touch cheeks?”

Satya felt her eyes watering again on her flushing face as she looked up to meet Olivia’s gentle gaze. She wanted it all, she wanted none, she wanted to cry helplessly against her lover’s chest and she wanted to run away in shame. Olivia seemed to read her so easily, though; she lift her hand and brushed her tear-stained face until her breathing steadied a little more. Satya revelled on the slight touch until she felt her voice return, asking hoarsely for water.

It took her several more minutes and a whole glass of water until she was collected enough to return to a functional state. It had been a long time since she’d had a dissociative episode, and it seemed she had severely miscalculated the amount of stress she was able to tolerate. That, or she overstatimated her capacity to resist to panic of rejection. Either way, her reaction was humiliating, especially given that it seemed like a pity-escape from the issue they were facing.

“Olivia.” she started, and fought the way her throat tried to narrow. “I’m very sorry for this.”

“Don’t worry, _cariño_. It happens. What _has_ happened I still don’t know.” she chuckled slightly. “It was scary. But if you’re okay now, then good.”

It didn’t go unnoticed by Satya that Sombra had called her “darling”, and she let out a relieved sigh. Being triggered by that woman calling her name now seemed ridiculous, but she didn’t want to hear that ever again.

She closed her eyes as she clutched her hands together, taking deep breaths. Sombra sat up, waiting again. Satya took her time before speaking, more exhausted than scared:

“Are you leaving?”

“Yes? I was just about to take a walk to clear my head.”

“No; I mean, _leaving_.”

Sombra looked puzzled for many seconds before realization hit her with a “ahhh”. Immediately she leaned forward to touch Satya’s arms again, reassuringly. “No, I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving you. I’m just confused, Saty. I’m still learning how to be with you, you know. And you with me. We’re not exactly an easy pair, eh?” a soft smile appeared on her lips, one that nearly broke Satya again. “I could give you the world in a silver platter, and you don’t want me to. And I don’t know what I can give you to make you happy, Saty. I don’t know how to make you happy. And that kills me, because you can just get bored and leave yourself. Besides that, what do I have?”

Satya looked deep in those dark purple eyes. That purple wasn’t natural; Olivia Colomar’s eyes must’ve been dark brown before, but with the odd color they were somehow even more enticing. Now they were just overflowing with adoration, tinted with other things Satya didn’t identify but could feel in her heart. And the answer came easily to her lips, easy, so easy, because now everything was crystal clear and she could find words.

“You. You have you. What else do I need?”

Sombra’s eyes - her whole face - crumbled. Satya cupped her chin, half afraid she’d just fall, and placed a tender kiss on her cheek, then on the other.

“I like when you cook.” Satya muttered, placing a kiss on the other woman’s face at each pause. “I like when we dance. I like when we talk for hours about everything and anything. I like to play with your hair and when you play with mine. I like when we walk hand in hand. I like how we make love. I like to watch you sleep and snore away, and to wake up by your side.” She finally kissed Olivia on the lips. “And everything, all of that and more, I love it all. I need you; and I what I need of you, you already give me. Anything else is too much.”

She paused to look her lover in the eyes again, and for the third time that evening she felt her heart breaking. Olivia leaned towards her and they kissed once more, their lips moving slowly as their hands sought for each other, intertwining their fingers. Satya felt her soul melting away in her lover’s warmth, but regret crept inside as she the full weight of Sombra’s words came to her. She pulled away, leaning her forehead against the hacker’s.

“And you make me smile. You make me laugh. You’re so _unlikely_ , Oli, and you’re the only unpredictability I can love. It pains me you can’t see how happy you make me. Because you do.”

Olivia’s giggles in response were the nicest sound Satya could’ve asked for, and she couldn’t help to lean forward to graze her cheek against the woman’s cheek, nudging her lovingly. Olivia nudged her back, sighing contentedly at their private cuddling. They remained like that for a long time, tracing each other’s arms with their fingers and relaxing in each other’s breathing rhythm, before they parted and got ready to rest at last. Satya nestled against Sombra’s - Olivia’s; Oli’s - chest, her forehead peppered with kisses and silly promises, and focused on the steady beating of her heart to be lulled to sleep.

A second before she finally closed her eyes, it clicked. She had to apologize to Olivia, for she was rude and aggressive instead of helpful. She was going to make breakfast in the morning and ask for forgiveness. And everything could be right again.

Everything would make sense again. And she dozed off, smiling to herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you suffered.


End file.
